Sometimes you feel secure about the other person's feelings for you. You express it openly and are not afraid of whether the other person reciprocates.
Sometimes you feel insecure about the other person's feelings for you. You openly ask for reassurance or you are afraid to be vulnerable, so you act like you don't care even if you do.
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You tend to get what you give. When you act secure, the other person feels secure with you and acts accordingly. When you act insecure, the other person may or may not reassure you depending on their emotional capacity and boundaries. They may care about you but they have to put themselves first. When they have more to give, they reassure you. When they do not, they create distance.
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The more secure you become, the more stable your relationships are.
The more insecure you are, the more unstable your relationships are. Expecting someone to be consistent all the time is impossible. People are inconsistent by nature. You will be easily triggered by the other person's inconsistency and react insecurely, and this will trigger the other person. If the other person is also insecure, this will happen often and cause cascading emotional dysregulation.
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In order to overcome this, it is necessary to consider your emotional state when reacting. If it comes from an insecure place, regulating yourself before reacting will improve the outcome.
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